Out

 As a child I felt left out because my father wasn’t around

On father’s day I felt out of the loop because I had no one to honor

As I grew my vision grew dim

If my father didn’t want to stay around for me

Then what man would even take the time to sit around and entertain me

Insecurity began to build rather quickly

My imagination ran wild after that fatal visit

Wow fresh tags on everything but not allowed to touch a thing

Yet it was stated this was my room

Upon further investigation during a tour of my new step mom’s closet

Those tags appeared again on designer clothing once again I couldn’t touch

….cast out

Daddy daughter dances were never attended by me

I had no dad to dance with me

Funny stories told on Monday after father’s day gifts were given

Not a word from me in my life my daddy has been missing

I’m strong enough to maintain

Another generation with a fervent disdain

Why did he leave

Was it because of me

…..no way out

Relationships are like fantasies to me

I’ve never been enough for any of the men I was involved with

I wasn’t smart enough, pretty enough, rich enough or hood enough

Left feeling incomplete no wonder I couldn’t fill the void

Emptiness cloaked me like a winter comforter on a frigid day

My heart could not withstand the pain anymore

Into my vanity I sank and the more insecure I felt

Not able to climb out of the whole of despair

I remembered my grandma praying for me

…..peeking out

My Father was always there, I just didn’t know Him

He’s been dancing with me my entire life; I just didn’t know the song

I’ve always been enough for Him that’s why He died for me

As the interests peak my heart gets weak

Could he be the one or just another lesson to learn

I yearn to be a Mrs. but it seems its destined to turn out different

 

beautifleye

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One thought on “Out

  1. I am the daddy that was never there. I was the natural daddy that did not know what being a man was let alone what was being a daddy.. I simply ask for forgiveness as I continue to understand and learn what a man if and what a daddy should really be.

    Like

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